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Guide to Healthy Relationships

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and love.

Couple hugging and smiling towards the camera as they stand in front of the ocean.

Are you in a healthy relationship?

Healthy relationships look like:

  • Both partners treat each other with equality, love, and respect.
  • You’re honest with your partner and trust them.
  • You talk openly about problems and listen to one another.
  • You respect each other’s opinions.
  • You and your partner solve problems without violence.
  • You and your partner keep relationships with friends and family outside of your own relationship.
  • You talk about birth control choices together and both consent to sexual activity.

What is an abusive relationship?

In an abusive relationship, one partner tries to maintain power and control over the other person by limiting their freedom and isolating them from friends and family. Domestic violence is a pattern of abuse that occurs over a period of time.

Signs you are in an abusive relationship:

  • Your partner monitors your calls, messages, and social media.
  • Your partner tries to keep you from seeing your friends and family.
  • Your partner tells you how you should dress, who you can and cannot talk to, and where you can and can’t go.
  • Your partner never apologizes for their bad behavior, and instead finds ways to put the blame on you.
  • Your partner controls the household finances without discussion, including taking your money or refusing to provide money for necessary expenses like food or rent.


If you, or someone you know, have experienced any of these behaviors, help is available.
A LGBTQ+ couple, one with his arm around his partner's shoulder, holding his chest, who stands slightly in front of him, smiles widely as they face the camera.

Check out the most immediate or 24/7 services below or view a complete list of resources in our Find Help section.

County of Kauaʻi

YWCA of Kauaʻi (24/7)

  • DV Crisis Hotline: (808) 245‐6362
  • DV Shelter Hotline: (808) 245‐8404

County of Hawaiʻi

Child & Family Service (24/7)

  • East Hawaiʻi DV Shelter: (808) 959-8864
  • West Hawaiʻi DV Shelter: (808) 322-7233

City & County of Honolulu (Island of Oʻahu)

Domestic Violence Action Center

Child & Family Service (24/7)

  • DV Shelter: (808) 841‐0822

Parents and Children Together (24/7)

  • DV Shelter: (808) 526‐2200

Catholic Charities

  • M‐F: 8:30am‐8:00pm, Sat: 8:00am‐12:00pm
  • Counseling Center: (808) 527‐4470

County of Maui (Molokaʻi, Lānaʻi, Maui)

Women Helping Women

  • Maui DV Shelter: (808) 579‐9581 (open 24/7)
  • Maui TRO Assistance: (808) 446‐7379 (M‐F: 8:00am‐4:00pm)
  • Lānaʻi DV Shelter: (808) 563‐0216 (open 24/7)

Molokaʻi Community Service Council (24/7)

  • DV Hotline: (808) 567‐6888

Child & Family Service Maui (24/7)

  • Crisis Hotline: (800) 753‐6879


Lavender Clinic

  • LGBTQ+ healthcare provider on Oʻahu
  • Honolulu & Waiʻanae Offices: (808) 744‐2543

Hawaiʻi LGBTQ+ Legacy Foundation

  • One‐stop LGTBQ+ resource center
  • (808) 369‐2000

Sexual Assault

Sex Abuse Treatment Center (24/7)

  • Statewide Hotline: (808) 524‐7273

YWCA of Kauaʻi (24/7)

  • Sexual Assault Hotline: (808) 245‐4144

Child & Family Service (24/7)


Military One Source (24/7)

  • Toll-Free: (800) 342‐9647
  • TTY: Dial 711 then (800) 342‐9647


Legal Aid Society of Hawaiʻi

  • Oʻahu: (808) 536‐4302
  • Neighbor Islands: (800) 499‐4302


National Domestic Violence Hotline

  • Open 24/7 and available in 200+ languages
  • (800) 799‐7233
  • TTY: (800) 787‐3224
  • Chat:

Trans Lifeline

  • 24/7 hotline with trans operators
  • (877) 330‐6366

National Deaf Domestic Violence Hotline

American Sign Language

Learn about what healthy and abusive relationships look like and find domestic violence resources in American Sign Language (ASL). Mahalo to the University of Hawaiʻi at Mānoa’s Center on Disability Studies for putting together this video.