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Hawaii State Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Does HSCADV provide shelter or advocacy?

No. HSCADV does not provide direct services such as shelter or advocates. If you are looking for such services, please go to our Get Help section to find your nearest resource.

What is domestic violence?

Domestic, or intimate partner violence, is when one person in a relationship uses patterns of abusive behaviors and tactics to gain power and control over their partner. Partners can be living together, married, dating, or separated.

Domestic violence can be in many forms such as physical, verbal, psychological, sexual, and financial. These patterns of abuse are intended to limit the partner’s ability to make personal choices, have access to family and friends, and maintain self-esteem.

What is dating violence?

Dating violence is also used interchangeably with domestic violence if both parties in the relationship are not living together. The cycle and types of abuse of dating violence is the same as domestic violence.

What is stalking?

Stalking is defined as being a pattern of repeated and unwarranted attention or surveillance by an individual over another person. This is a common control tactic in dating and domestic violence, whether the parties are separated or still in the relationship.

What are the most common signs of domestic violence?

Keep in mind that every relationship is different and warning signs may differ. However, some examples of red flags in abusive relationships may include:

A victim may become more isolated from friends and family and stop spending time with loved ones in order to focus on the relationship with their partner.

A victim may start to blame themselves for their partner’s behavior and feel like they are “walking on eggshells.”

Abusers begin to control the way their partner lives their life, including telling them how to dress, whom to talk to, and where they can and cannot go.

Abusers often talk about how they cannot do no wrong and are never apologetic regarding their negative behavior towards their partner, and their partner often minimizes or denies abuse in public.

What does a healthy relationship look like?

Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect, accountability, and non-threatening behavior. While it’s normal to have disagreement and conflicts in almost every relationship, healthy relationships will overcome these issues with negotiation, mutual decision making, and open communication. Both parties in healthy relationships treat each other with equality and are able to resolve problems without manipulation and violence.

How do I support a friend or family member who is experiencing domestic violence?

Please see our blog entry addressing this topic here.

Do your programs only support women?

No. Our organization is inclusive and supports all races, genders, and ages. Every member program in HSCADV is different and offers different services. Our programs offer a wide variety of services for men, women, children, students, LGBTQ+, immigrants, and other populations. To view programs and services available in your area, please go to the Get Help section.

What should I expect if I go to a shelter?

COVID-19 Update: Residents/survivors should anticipate shelters implementing CDC guidelines and updating their policies/procedures due to the coronavirus pandemic.

Domestic violence shelters are non-discriminatory and accept victims of various backgrounds. They are voluntary and if you choose to enter a shelter, these may be some rules you must follow in order to live there:

  • There is no charge to stay.
  • Shelters have common/shared common areas such as bathrooms and kitchens.
  • If you have children, you will probably all share one bedroom and you are responsible for taking care of your own children.
  • If you arrive at the shelter by yourself, you might have to share a room with other survivors.
  • All shelters must allow service animals but some may not accept pets.
  • Emergency food, clothing, and toiletries are available.
  • Visitors are not allowed.
  • For confidentiality and safety purposes, residents must not share the shelter location.

What are my reporting options if I or my abuser is in the military?

Every branch of the U.S. military has different reporting policies and procedures and it is best to speak to a confidential military advocate about your options. Please visit the military-related resources in our Get Help page for more assistance.

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